It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Are You Reading This, Chuck Lorre?

Christopher and I record Two and a Half Men but quite frankly, Charlie Sheen is getting ready to join the "Not Allowed On Any of My TVs" Club, along with Tiger Woods and Jay Leno. I's pretty hard to get into that club - I watch those real housewives shows, I listen to Kendra Wilkinson snort like an a hyena (if hyenas snorted) and I try to keep up with the Kardashians.

Charlie Sheen has gone way overboard. Have you seen this stuff on the Today show? He's raised his price to $3M per episode!? And CBS should apologize while licking he feet!? He's "tired of people thinking he's not special!" And he's got TWO live-in girlfriends??? Who the crap does he think he is? Hugh effing Hefner? (Speaking of Mr. Hefner and trashy shows, that's another one to add to the list; I thought I might cry when The Girls Next Door split up and went off the air.)

I like Two and a Half Men, but Charlie Sheen doesn't carry it. I think the other actors carry it. Alan - love. Jake - love. Evelyn - love. Berta and Rose - double love and double love! One and a Half Men, a Crazy Neighbor and a Sassy Housekeeper? Yup - I'd watch.

So listen, Chuck Lorre, this is what I would do: bring Charlie Sheen back. Pay him his $3M per episode. THEN your writing gets creative - Charlie finally gets swindled by a woman (who actually turns out to be a man at the end of the episode) and loses all of his money. His house goes into foreclosure. Alan wins the lottery and takes Charlie in. After all, Charlie is now living on the street. Role reversal! Series finale? Charlie gets caught robbing a liquor store, goes to prison and becomes someone's bitch.

Too spiteful? I think it could work. I think people would watch. I know I would watch.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Mouse In the House!

Lucky Christopher had President's Day off...I decided to take the day off as well so that we could clean out the garage. As we were organizing, I picked up my old roller blades and noticed a weird color pattern in the bottom. They are old so I thought maybe it was just the material wearing away in places...but then the colors moved. I tilted the rollerblade towards me and I was greeted with a pile of cat food!

For a brief second I thought that perhaps while the rollerblades were at my parents' house, my parents spilled some cat food and it fell in the rollerblades and they never noticed. Then I quickly came to the conclusion that this was a prank my mother pulled on me. She's sneaky like that. But then...I started thinking a little more. There was a bag of cat food in the garage. I went to pick up the cat food and the bag was almost empty!

Somewhere in our garage there is a cutsie little mouse. A resourceful mouse that, every night, has been taking little armfuls of food from the cat food bag (which was supposed to go to the shelter) and carrying it over to store in the rollerblades.

We looked for the mouse but couldn't find him. We threw the food away that was in the rollerblades, but I left the food in the bag out in the garage until I can find a nice little trap to trap the mouse and then let him go out in the woods. Anyone know where I can get one of those? It's not really practical to let a mouse live in our garage forever.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Spring Fever

It's beginning to look a lot like spring! I took these pictures this past Monday.

(I thiiiink these are buttercups. there are also a couple crocuses is there.)

(I've got at least six hyacinths and two tulips coming up in the front of the house so far)


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Miracle on 31st Street

(Settle in, boys and girls, this is a long one! I had decided not to post it since it was so long, but I just changed my mind!)

A long time ago, in a land far away…wait, no. That’s not right. Several months ago…at a Dash game, Bryan, Ruth Ann, Christopher and I started talking about a possible trip to New York – to see the city at Christmas!

Even though we were talking about it in, say June-ish, we didn’t actually start planning (purchasing plane tickets) until late November? Early December? It was really great though because Jet Blue was running $98 round trip tickets from Raleigh to JFK! Woooo! But wait…every time we went to book, just before we went to pay, the price would jump. Are you kidding me? FINALLY, after I could practically see the steam coming from BT’s ears (through the phone) we got our tix! They were a tad more expensive than the $98, but it was still a really good price.

Next up! Hotel! Bryan found this awesome hotel. It was brand new…we could have possibly been the first people EVER to sleep in the beds! WEEEEEEE! Since it was brand new, it was also a great price! But wait…just before we went to pay, it sold out. Blast! It’s cool though – we found another nice hotel at a good price. And yes! Yes, I would like to save some money by making my reservation non-refundable! Thank you for offering. (This is important. Keep this in mind as the story progresses.)

We got tickets to some shows – that actually went smoothly. (And we all know how tickets to shows are…non-refundable, of course)

It’s finally here! The night before! We are packed and ready to go to New York! But wait! What’s that email in your inbox, Bryan? An email saying our flights have been canceled? Are you kidding me? No, of course you aren’t. We will reschedule. Wait…what’s that? Effing Jet Blue has canceled ALL their flights into JFK? You have to be kidding me. No, of course you aren’t. Now remember – we are already in this trip to the tune of two hotel rooms and three shows. We have to go.

A couple hours later, we have four more tickets – for TWICE the price…still out of Raleigh (but even earlier in the morning!)– to New York. Small consolation – we get to fly into LGA, which I prefer. Wait – what’s that, Christopher? You hate LGA and you would prefer to fly into JFK? Grrrrrrrrr.

Well, we wake up unpleasantly early and head to Raleigh. It’s so early and we are going to have so much of the day ahead of us, I decide to brave the headache and skip the Dramamine. It makes me so sleepy and I don’t want to be cranky with dry contacts once we get there.

Huh…isn’t that awesome how that Starbucks is making me slightly nauseated. Guess I better take the Dramamine after all. Don’t worry – this turns out to be a good thing; you see the flight was a bit bumpy. The flight attendants didn’t do their beverage service, but I suppose that isn’t all that uncommon. What is uncommon is to see my husband in front of me bracing himself against the luggage compartment above so that he can TRY to stay somewhat in his seat. Ruth Ann behind me...doing the same thing.

Yay. A holding pattern. It seems they have closed a couple runways at LGA. And then another holding pattern. Great. Oh good…people have started to throw up. That’s wonderful. Finally – we are heading down for a landing! Weeeee..wait. Uhm. Huh. Looks like…we might be…a bit closer to the river than normal. A bit closer than I am comfortable with…and it’s certainly still bumpy. Things that entered my head: Miracle on the Hudson – could it happen twice?, the temperature at which water freezes, the scene in Titanic when they were floating on pieces of ship and luggage, would the adrenaline let me swim to shore?, why didn’t I move up a row to sit with Christopher?

{insert string of Hail Marys}

We are REALLY close to the water now…we finally clear the water, but we are going SO fast. So, SO fast - and we still have to turn. Could almost reach out and touch the runway. But wait! The plane pulls back up – and we are off! Phew! Wait…crap. We are going to have to do that again. Ooooh. And now the girl on the other side of the aisle is crying. Awkward, comforting smile? No, that didn’t really work. The flight attendant is passing out more barf bags.

We get one more chance before we have to “choose an alternate destination to refuel.” Something about wind sheer. Lovely. The second time didn’t seem any smoother, but we made it to the ground!

Boy, were we glad to get off that plane! So glad, we just rushed right off! Rushed off so fast that…just as we are going under the tunnel…"Christopher – you have the camera, right? SHIT!" Our nice, not cheap camera. The camera Christopher gave me as a wedding present. The instant we hit sunlight on the other side of the tunnel we started making phone calls. FYI, if you loose something on a plane, nobody will do anything for you over the phone, other than tell you to fill out a claim. Online.

We get to the hotel and Bryan, Ruth Ann and I jump out. Christopher heads back to the airport. The three of us are just ready to chill for a little while. Relax after the flight. What’s that? The hotel computers have crashed and you can’t check us in? Of course they have.

I’m coming up on three pages worth of Word doc here, so I’m going to cut this short – no camera. We’re basically sure it’s gone for good. Christopehr gets back, we walk around the city for a while…it starts raining, of course. We went to the first show (wet from the rain), The Pee Wee Herman Show. Remember that Dramamine I took earlier? Well…yeah. I kind of fell asleep for a little while. I’m glad we were in the back row. I thought I hid it well, by “snuggling” up on Christopher’s shoulder, but it seems my head slipped off at some point. Trust me – this was not a proud moment.

The three things I wanted to do while we were in NY were to go to the Shake Shack (which we did after Pee Wee – it was, of course, AWESOME! It was a great ending to a pretty crappy day), go to Tiffany’s and go to the Central Park Zoo (which, somehow, I had never been to).

The next day, I wake up and immediately check Christopher’s cell phone, hoping for a call from the airport, but no such luck. We head out down 5the Ave. I’m trying to find a way to not go to Tiffany’s. I want absolutely nothing to commemorate this trip except for a safe flight home – the sooner the better – but I don’t want to tell Christopher this because he feels absolutely TERRIBLE about leaving the camera.

I wasn’t able to talk my way out of the store. I actually even paused for a moment outside the door, as if I was ready to stick my hands out and refuse to be pushed in – cat-in-carrier style. Of course, that would be ridiculous.

Here’s the magic of Tiffany’s: it actually dissolves troubles. Sounds silly, but it’s true. We got in, and it only took a few minutes before the camera was pushed to the back of my mind. A charm for my bracelet and a pair of earrings later, I was feeling MUCH better!

Off to the ZOO! (After a quick stop at FAO Schwarz.)

(the trip to Tiffany's brightened my spirits)

This might have been the coolest Zoo ever. The animals were, oddly, quite interested in the people – which never happens at the zoo. It was also so small that you could do the whole thing in a couple hours and spend plenty of time on everything. There was even a PETTING ZOO!!! Highlights:

Sea Lion I could have reached out and touched if I wanted to either loose a finger or be rushed by security. Teensy, tiny monkey who licked condensation trickles off the window. The penguins that swam right up to me and wanted to be my friend. The Victoria Crowned Pigeon that practically walked over my foot – actually that whole building with birds sitting right next to you. The snow monkeys who cuddled. The petting zoo.

(I TOTALLY could have touched this one)

(this was amazing)

(this is the Vicotria Crowned makes a sound like a tug boat)

Incase you haven’t been able to tell, by this point, this trip has taken a serious turn UP! From the zoo we went to see the taping of Jimmy Fallon. Also AWESOME! It was great. The show was great, Jimmy was great, The Roots were great! AND THEN! We got out of the show, turned our cell phones back on and…drum roll, please! Christopher had a voicemail from the lovely lady at Delta Baggage Claim – they had our camera!!!!

You might think it couldn’t get any better than that, but we walked outside and it was SNOWING! In NEW YORK! At CHRISTMAS! I almost cried. For reals.


Up next – the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. And do you know what the Rockettes had? A live nativity, complete with camels, donkeys and sheep. Holy crap.

After the show, Christopher booked it out of there and over to LaGuardia to get the camera. When we walked outside, it was still snowing. It was even starting to stick to the streets a little bit. We headed to find someplace for dinner. When we finally heard back from Christopher, we were almost to a restaurant and he said he would meet us at the Empire State Building. It was dark, snowing, there was almost nobody else out…and as we approach the Empire State Building, I saw Christopher, leaning against the building, with that black camera bag strapped across his chest. It might have been the most beautiful sight ever. And dinner was great!

We got up the next morning and I didn’t think it would get any better than the day before. And of course it didn’t get better than that, but it was a pretty awesome day. We went to the New York Public Library – I could have spent all day in there…and some the next day, but I know not everyone (okay, almost no one) likes a library and books as much as I do. We spent a few minutes and I got some cool things from the gift shop and then we headed back to Rockefeller Center. We did the Top of the Rock and then the Page Tour. We finished up just in time to grab some PIZZA and head back to the airport!

(Centra Park - my fave)

(it was seriously chilly up there)

Oh! And the return flight was much more pleasant! :-)

(Okay, seriously, did anyone read this whole thing? I would never have scrolled through such shenanigans.)