It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Oven Can Kiss My Ass

You may have heard me complain about my oven. The first time it broke, I had invited Keith and Bethany over for dinner. I cooked (or tried to cook) a pork tenderloin, green bean casserole, and an apple pie. The timer went off, and the pork wasn’t done. Neither was the apple pie. I set the timer for another 10 minutes – still not done. Another 10 minutes…STILL not done. And once more…and I opened the oven door and notice a lack of hot air rushing to my face…the oven’s not hot. Blast!

The apartment people came to fix it. It was not the burner, as we had thought, but rather the temperature gauge (or so they thought).

Then a couple weeks ago, I was making two pumpkin pies…I open the oven and they are still all liquid in the center. GRAHR! Oven broken again. Had to finish those in the toaster oven... Betcha' didn't know you could do that. (Neither did I.)

The apartment people came to fix. They needed to order a part.

Christopher comes in this evening and tells me he has had “an enlightening conversation with the maintenance man.”

Oh? Indeed!

The maintenance man said he came to look at the oven SEVERAL times, and could not figure out what was wrong with it. He replaced several parts, sat in the middle of our kitchen floor with a thermometer (waiting), and still couldn’t figure it out. His boss told him to call Whirlpool.

It seems, that in this particular model of oven, there is a safety feature, where if after you preheat the oven, and you don’t turn the temperature all the way down…and then back up to where you want it, the oven shuts off. Say what? Yes. It is so someone doesn’t turn the oven on to preheat, forget about it, and then burn their house down. Because I’m sure that happens all the time. And the people who do this? Do they also have special toasters? And curling irons? What about hair dryers and coffee makers with this special baby-sitting function built in?

How lovely that Whirlpool saw a niche market for those who frequently make a dish and then completely forget to cook it. Whirlpool: I think you can stop making those ovens…those people have all died from salmonella and ecoli poisoning after they ate the meat they forgot to cook.

Christopher says he tested the oven and it’s working. It doesn’t matter though. I’m done cooking for now.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

They Don’t Call Him The Governator For Nothing…

I saw the most hilarious article on Fox News today. You can read the article here, but basically a Democratic assemblyman had heckled Arnold Schwarzenegger one evening after the governor left an event they had both attended…and the assemblyman also had a bill waiting for the governor’s signature.

It seems Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a general practice, attaches a letter to each bill signed or vetoed describing why he took the action. Below is the letter he sent back to the assemblyman. Click on the picture to make it larger.

(Do you see it? No? What about now? Look closely.)

Anyway. I think this is hilarious, and he totally did it on purpose. Christopher thinks this is hilarious, but it was just a convenient coincidence. What do you think? Vote in the poll above!

What’s that? You still don’t see it? Look down the left hand side of the page…specifically the first letter of each line.

Monday, October 26, 2009

A Letter to the Magic, Ionic, Shaping, No-hairspray-needing, Curling AND Straightening Iron Dude at the Mall

Dear Magic, Ionic, Shaping, No-hairspray-needing, Curling AND Straightening Iron Dude at the Mall,

I hate you. I actually navigate the mall in such a way as to avoid you. And imagine my surprise and disappointment when, after making a point to avoid you outside of Abercrombie, you jump out at me in front of Sharron Luggage! Gah! Did you move kiosks, or are there two of you now??? I have my hair down to a science. It doesn’t take long to do. I do not want to change my process. I do not want to sit down while you STRAIGHTEN the curls in which I took time to put in that morning. And I certainly don’t want to sit down to let you straighten my curls only to put them back in again. I do not want anything in my hair that has been in 20 other people's hair. And when I tell you I am on my lunch break, and have to go, please respect that. And thank you for prompting me to tell you I work at the mall to receive the “super great mall employee discount,” but still no thanks.


P.S. I also do not want your hand lotion. Is the lotion Magic and Ionic as well? It doesn’t matter. I still don’t want it.

A Letter to Hanes Mall

Dear Hanes Mall,

Your Magic, Ionic, Shaping, No-hairspray-needing, Curling AND Straightening Iron Dudes at the kiosks outside Abercrombie and/or Sharron Luggage make me not want to come to your mall. What can you do? I eagerly await your response.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Oh Deer!

I was driving home from work this afternoon - just minding my own business when this white truck passed me in the left lane. It was an older truck and it was packed FULL of junk in the back. I didn’t take much notice. Then the car in front of me started going slow, so I moved over to the left lane…behind the white truck. *gasp* What the crap?!?!?!

(What? You don’t see it? You may have to click on the picture to enlarge it…)

Seriously. This startled me. I don’t think I could have been any more taken aback had I seen a leprechaun tossing gold coins off the back of the truck.

I know you are probably not going to believe me when I say I don’t have a problem with hunting… but really, I don’t (ish). If you are going to use what you hunt, then…eeeh – whatever. I have zero interest in it; It would probably make me cry, but if that’s your thing, and you use what you kill, then who am I to say you shouldn’t do it? But come on! This is…I don’t even know what this is. Here I am, just traveling down I-40, and I see a deer shoved in between a four-wheeler, a couple guns, and some tree-climby stuff.

It is not okay to see this on 40!

(Dudes, seriously…do you do this mid-December as well? Do you wonder why you see small children wailing in their car seats as you pass? It’s because you have Donner in the bed of your truck. Dead.)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I am so torn. Well, okay, not really. I used to be torn, but I’m pretty certain where I stand now. The Kindle: seems like a pretty awesome idea, no? But if I got a Kindle, then how would I build my fantastic library? I want shelves and shelves of beautiful books; all in built-in bookshelves. I need built-in bookshelves. And if I’m not going to put books on them, then I am going to have to start collecting some sort of chotchkies…and I do not like chotchkies.

This is beautifull…

These are not…

(Please take notice of the Kindle I Photoshoped on the shelf.)

(Oh, for the love of God. All this thing needs is a Beanie Baby.)

I think if I was going to be taking the subway to work everyday, I could see the benefit. But since I don’t…I think I am going to stick with the good old-fashioned paper books! What do you guys think?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

More Sad Vegetation

Christopher and I were in Costco today when I was reminded of Oiuda’s sad nut saga. I had just rounded the corner after sampling some delicious salami, when before me I saw something even worse than the sad nut. What, might you ask, could be worse than a sad nut? Two sad watermelons that puked their guts out on the floor of Costco. It was horrific. The poor things! From what I could gather, it seemed to be a bit of a Humpty Dumpty situation. There appeared to have been a great fall, and there was certainly no putting these watermelons back together again.

(the one on the right even seems to have a head wound just like the sad little nut)

And the winner is...

SANTA AND HIS PIGS! The pigs won it by a landslide - 11 to 4.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Christmas Countdown Begins!

Oh boy, am I excited! I wasn’t planning on starting this so early, but look at what Oiuda found! It’s a Christmas countdown! Christopher and I were in Target a couple weeks ago and I saw a Christmas countdown thing to put in your yard…or house? I don’t know. Either way, it was terribly tacky. I wished that there could be something a little more pleasing to the eye, and I think this fits my request! The only problem? I can’t decide between Santa and his reindeer, or Santa and his pigs… I will let you guys decide – which one do you like best? Whichever has the most votes (poll above) by 8pm Sunday, wins a semi-permanent (until Christmas) place on the blog! Woohoo! Christmas is practically here!



You know the crazy thing? Now that I have this up...I know which one I like best...BLAST! This always happens. Well, DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to disregard the results of the poll. This is my blog - what are you going to do about it?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

How Do You Wash Your Dishes?

Or rather, WHAT do you wash your dishes WITH? If it’s not Dawn, it should be! For every bottle you buy, Dawn donates $1 towards saving wildlife. There is fine print though. Shame on you, Dawn! You have to actually go online and “activate” your donation. Cheaters, in my opinion, but whatever. So – if you are using Dawn now, make sure you go tho their website and activate your donation. And after you activate it you can go to this map and see how much your state has donated so far! It’s kind of cool. (North Carolina is a little behind though…) Next time you’re at the store, pick up a couple extra bottles! There are three different scents with a different, super cute animal on each one! How could you resist these faces???




Monday, October 12, 2009

Combos: the Underappreciated Snack Food

Seriously – do you know a lot of grocery stores don’t even sell them? They have been relegated to gas stations, and treated like beef jerky or pork rinds. Combos are at least 127 times better than beef jerky or pork rinds (or at least what I would expect either of those two items to taste like). They are better than potato chips, better than cheese and crackers or peanut butter and crackers, and they are CERTAINLY better than beef jerky or pork rinds.

My long-time favorite has always been the Pepperoni Pizza (not to be confused with the Pizzeria Pretzel – the pretzel varieties are not nearly as good). Recently, I was feeling a little crazy and thought I would switch things up a bit and try the Cheddar Cheese Cracker. It was marvelous. I thought I would be somewhat disappointed: because how could it be any better than Pepperoni Pizza? I don’t want to say it was better, but it was awesome.

Combos are like the Hubba Bubba of snack food, only waaaay better. So show them some love the next time you are at the gas station!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Dixie Classic Fair!

Whoa! Settle in – this is a looooong post!

Christopher and I went to the Dixie Classic Fair on Wednesday evening. It was a perfect day for the fair! We were originally a little concerned about all the rain that had been in the forecast earlier that week, but it was actually quite lovely.

You know, I was at work on Tuesday, and thought “I should charge my camera battery – I don’t recall the last time I did that.” And then I even thought about it again when I got home. But for some reason, I thought it would be okay. Why am I that stupid? I know when I think of these things it’s for a reason. And as if that wasn’t enough of a hint, when I was packing my license, cash and phone in my camera bag, I almost packed my little Cannon digital camera that I keep in my purse – but I, for some reason, decided not to do that either. It’s like I purposely didn’t want any pictures.

Anyway – we got to the fair, and got a friend Snickers pretty much immediately. I did get a picture of that. (I mean – we do all know where this story is going, right? My camera battery dies?) The Snickers was melty gooey chocolaty goodness.


(The aforementioned melty gooey chocolaty goodness)

After the Snickers, we went right to the petting zoo! I la-la-love the petting zoo! Christopher bought me a bag of carrots, and got change for a dollar for the feed machines. The animals were sooooo cute! I loved them! So of course it was a mere minute or two into the petting zoo that my camera battery died. I was soooo bummed! There were all these cute little animals. There was this one animal – I don’t know what it was, but it looked like a cartoon. It had blonde hair completely covering its face. So sweet. I think it was some sort of “cattle-type” animal. It had the same shape nose as the cow-looking animals that were standing next to it. I even got to feed a camel! All those little people in there were too short to reach the camel’s mouth. Suckers.

(love him)

(love him)

(this is the camel I fed that the kids were too short to reach)

(Close up of the camel. I had to swipe this pic off my mother’s facebook page)

(love him)

(In the pig barn. This is NOT a Teacup Pig, but I still love him.)

I did notice before we went into the petting zoo, and also when we went into the animal barns, they had signs up that said something along the lines of “Our animals are healthy, are you?” They warned not to visit the animals if you had been sick. How odd. BUT they did have hand-washing stations outside the barns. That was great! That meant that I didn’t have to toss a dollar in a pie dish while some lady pointed the sink out to me. “Thank you – I’ve been doing this for a while – I can discern the sink from the towel dispenser. I’ll manage just fine. And no I don’t need to comb my hair or use your mouth wash, but thank you just the same.” I know at least one of you (I’m guessing...Jennifer) will think I am a horrible person – they “only work on tips,” but I’m sorry – it makes a gross public bathroom that much more unpleasant. It’s not the matter of having to pay to pee – it’s just that it’s uncomfortable. I mean…it’s kind of a private moment, and there is someone just waiting for you to flush so they can direct you to the next step. And worse than having that person waiting on you, is getting ready to leave and realizing that you have NO MONEY in your pocket and you left your purse outside (which is what typically happens to me). Then you have to sheepishly take the paper towel they hand you and leave feeling like a jerk. Anyway – I have gotten off topic. My apologies.

After visiting the lovely hand-washing station, we walked around the fair. Christopher got a fried pork chop sandwich, which I had a bite of; and some apple fritters, which I also had a bit of; and a corn dog, which I also had a bite of. I got a slice of pizza – which Christopher had a bite of. He frowned upon the pizza, because it’s not “fair food,” but I love pizza. You can only have fair pizza once a year!

(It was not New York Style Pizza, as the sign would have you believe, but it was good. Very cheesy.)

We also went to look at the art building. My mother enters artwork every year. She usually gets mad ribbons. She only got two this year, but her pictures were really pretty! I couldn't see the names on the art, but I could tell immediately which ones were hers. I also had to steal these pictures off her facebook page.

(red ribbon)

(and another red ribbon!)

So - all in all a good year at the fair. We're trying to decide if we should head to Raleigh for the NC State Fair one of the next two weekends. Bigger = more fried stuff. NC State University ice cream. And they usually have baby chicks and ducks you can hold. I like that. AND if we go to the State Fair, I will be sure to have a fully charged camera battery...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Teacup Pigs and a Flying Squirrel

Yesterday was a great day for animal stories! While I was getting ready for work, The Today Show had a story about Teacup Pigs! Whoa, really?!? Yes! These pigs have become quite popular in England. Full grown, they weigh around 65 pounds, and are between 12 and 16 inches tall.

The breeder that Ann and Meredith interviewed said they were very loving animals and highly intelligent. They even beat dogs in animal IQ tests!

(I’m pretty sure I want a Teacup Pig.)


Later at work, an email about a Stone Temple Pilots Concert somehow turned into a story about a Flying Squirrel. I’m not quite sure how that transition was made, but this cute little flying squirrel made it into a coworker’s house, and was then chased by their dog, right into a mousetrap! I didn’t have the heart to ask what happened to it in the mousetrap, but it seems to be doing fine now – spending its day in a huge fish tank eating walnuts and peanut butter.

(I think I might want a flying squirrel too…)

We ALSO went to the Dixie Classic Fair last night and visited the petting zoo and animals there. It was awesome. Unfortunately my camera battery died a mere 10 minutes in. But the fair is another story for another post.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Harvesting Crops

I think I may have accidentally become addicted to Farmville…oops.

It started out just as “research.” And I kept seeing my friend Tina’s “lonely cows” and “lost ugly ducklings.” They were so darn cute, and you know me; I'm all over an animal that needs a home (even if they are virtual animals). I needed to know more, so I emailed Tina. She warned that it was oddly addicting, but I thought, “eh – I’m going to adopt these cute little animals, see what all the fuss is about, and then be done.” As it turns out, Tina was right: oddly addicting.

I have expanded my farm twice since I started and I just bought a barn the other night. It’s pretty cool. Check it out:

(You can see all my crops. That’s me there in the middle. And MY ANIMALS! Aren’t they great?)

A few embarrassing points to mention. Mind you, I wouldn’t normally mention these, but I know if I don’t just come clean, I will have at least four people calling me out in the comments section.

  1. I have now actually friended people I don’t know in order to get more neighbors – so I can expand my farm. Ouida “facebook introduced” me to a couple of her friends (hey LC!) who play. BUT she says I will meet them at her pumpkin party, so I don’t feel so bad.
  2. Apparently I came down a little hard on my coworker, Jim, the other day (sorry, Jim!), for wasting his money on a German flag for his farm. In my defense, the Farmville dollars are hard to come by! You can’t just go spending them on FLAGS!
  3. “time to money ratio” you would just get bored with the explanation, but Ouida said I had to mention it in the blog.
So there you have it – my dirty little secret. Worse than DVRing soap operas or knitting boots for my cat (okay, maybe not worse than knitting cat boots) (and I do neither of those things, by the way). Anyway…if I have inspired any of you to play – MAKE ME YOUR NEIGHBOR! ;-) (It really is a fun little game!)

Happy Birthday Keith!


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

To the guy in the early 90’s, gold Volvo:

You were in front of me when I was trying to get on 40 from 52 this evening. Dude, you have to at least try to merge. Getting to the traffic and stopping is not an acceptable plan of action. If you try, and must abort your mission, stop at the end of the entrance ramp, not the beginning. Stopping at the beginning makes it hard for the people behind you (namely, me) to merge.

On a merging scale of difficulty, 1 being the entrance ramp from 52 South onto I-40 West, that just becomes its own lane, and you never have to merge; and 10 being the entrance ramp from Liberty Street onto Business 40 West, that runs into Cherry Street a mere four inches later (Don’t even get me started on that Liberty Street ramp. Geesh!), this entrance ramp is probably a…6. I would even give you a 4.5 at 5:15 in the evening, which it was. But still! At least give it a try!

That is all.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Hungry Kitten

I think this is my absolute favorite YouTube video for the following reasons:

  1. There is a yellow kitty in it.
  2. The yellow kitty looks like one of those cartoon cats with the disproportionately large head, ears, and eyes. While I don't really like those cartoons, I think the real thing is adorable!
  3. Whenever I play this video (as I do on a fairly regular basis) Buster always comes to investigate. I doubt he knows what she is saying though, as she probably speaks Cat Hindi. He usually thinks I am hiding her under my laptop and tries to burrow between the laptop and my lap to find her.
  4. The meowing.
  5. She climbed that dude’s leg. That is funny.
  6. She was hungry and they fed her, and then found her a home.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Okay, Jeanette – quit bogarting the pottery!

I’m sure some of you have heard me talk about my friend, Jeanette, and her pottery; for those who haven’t, she and her mother, Jill, have an Etsy store where they sell the most beautiful pottery. Jill had made pottery as a hobby for years, but a little over a year ago they opened an Etsy store! Stone Lotus Pottery sells a variety of plates, bowls, kitchen items, AND jewelry! And everything is awesome.

(This is one of the best pieces I have purchased! It’s a berry bowl! It’s like a mini ceramic colander. So handy - see the holes in the bottom?)

(And look at this ring! Isn’t it unique? I think this is my favorite of the rings she has listed right now.)

If you go to the Stone Lotus Pottery Blog, every once in a while Jeanette will have a giveaway. I think she’s probably done four or five so far. I’ve participated in all of them, but had never won. This last one wasn’t for a piece of pottery, like the previous giveaways had been, but for a gift certificate to Stone Lotus Pottery. And guess what! I WON! I was so excited I could have peed my pants! I used my gift certificate to buy this bowl:

(It’s even prettier in person, if you can imagine)

So now to the real point of this post…Jeanette and Jill are preparing for a show. “That is wonderful,” you may say. Well, then you would be nicer than I. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them – it’s very exciting - whatever. You must understand: as one that was accustomed to seeing X number of items posted per week, and stalking the site like a vulture, it is disconcerting to see half of X items posted per week…they are putting some aside for the show…sigh.

I know the people at this upcoming show will be super excited to see items like this ruffle bowl (which is actually for sale over at the Etsy shop).

(I have one quite similar. It’s marvelous, I assure you. And it even matches my berry bowl!)

Or like this plate…

(Wouldn’t this be great on a fall table?)

So Jeanette…I know you are reading. Tell us all about it. Tell us when and where the show is, should anyone reading be in the area…and so I know when you will be posting lots and lots more pottery to Etsy!

Everyone else – go over to Stone Lotus Pottery and take a look at everything in the shop!