It Almost Ate Me

For reals.

I walked out to the back edge of the yard to water our dogwood tree. On my way back, while minding my own business, I [luckily] happened to look down...and see a big snake staring at me. It almost scared me to death. I ran around it onto the porch...where there conveniently happened to be a hoe. (No, Mariah Carey was not on my porch. A garden hoe, silly!) I looked at the hoe, and pretty much knew I wasn't going to be able to rally the courage to kill this snake. But then I thought about how close it was to the house and how I rarely pay attention to where I am walking. I pictured myself just casually walking through the yard and stepping right on it - like I almost had moments earlier. I also thought about Buster and how much time he spends by himself on the porch. I couldn't let a snake eat Buster Cat Nixon!

I had to do something. Christopher was, OF COURSE, playing softball, so I took a deep breath, picked up the hoe and went back outside. I've seen other people kill snakes with garden tools. How hard could it be? One solid whack, two pieces, right? Soooo wrong.

I crept up behind it, raised the hoe and then brought it down. I brought it down as hard as I could, and tried to aim perfectly. I felt like one of those guys trying to win a teddy bear at the state fair with one of those mallet things. (I wonder if those guys also feel like they might throw up at any minute?)

Well - I hit the snake, but instead of separating it into two pieces, like I had hoped, I mostly just angered the snake. Crap. We stared at each other for several minutes before he started to slowly slither away again.

(I should also mention here, that as soon as I struck the snake, I felt immense guilt. You know how I feel about animals. If that snake was in a cage in someone's house, I would have picked it up and played with it. To see it curl up in pain, really made me feel bad. Guilty.) That being said, I decided I would have to hit it again. Clearly, I had just not hit it hard enough the first time. You might guess that the second swing didn't result in two pieces of snake either. This time, he was not going to turn his back on me. We stared each other down for a good 20-30 minutes before he started to move again.

At this point, I was shaking so badly, I didn't know if I could even lift the hoe. I did. I missed. I pulled it up immediately and swung again. Wow. Open mouth, cobra position, hissing, the whole nine yards. I think he was really loosing patience with me. Again we just stared at each other. I don't think I could have possibly gathered enough courage to do it again. I started trying, but mostly I just kept dancing around him. I even shrieked a few times. I'm not sure if it was the dancing or the shrieking...or the awkward movements with the hoe, but something caught our neighbor's attention and I heard "Ginger? Are you trying to kill something?" Our neighbor came out to her backyard and I explained the situation. She said her husband was on his way home and she would send him right over when he got home.

I have to admit that I didn't try nearly as hard to gather the courage to hit the snake again after she said that. The snake and I just stared at each other. For a long time. I started to wonder if my neighbor worked in South Carolina, but it didn't matter to me. I was willing to wait. I'm not sure how long it was, but eventually I heard him say something behind me. I turned around and he was carrying a rather large shovel through the yard.

I stared in shock as he pounded this snake with the shovel. Multiple times. From directly above. And it would. not. die. Can you imagine how long I would have been out there with that hoe??? There was no way I would have ever been able to kill it! I would have died from fear first. Eventually he picked it up and carried it out to the woods and hit it some more. He assured me it was dead, but that it might wriggle around some more. Psh - like I was going to go check or something. This had turned out to be almost a two-hour ordeal.

Christopher called not long after I came back in - all shakey and sweaty.

"Hi! What are you doing?"

"I almost died!"

"WHAT?!"

"A snake almost ate me."

After he came home, I got the flashlight, my camera, and a tape measure. I made him get the hoe. We went out to the woods. He pulled the snake out.

(somehow it got skinny. do snakes deflate when they die?)

(incase you can't see, that's about 45 inches. aka 3 feet, 9 inches...and it wasn't even pulled tight.)

(go ahead - click the picture - make it bigger.)

I am telling you right now. Don't you DARE leave comments about "It's just a black snake. Black snakes are good. They kill rodents. You are horrible." That thing had teeth. I like rodents. I will feed a rodent brie en croute. I am not terrible. Didn't you hear? He would have eaten Buster Cat. If you would like to comment on my bravery, prowess and heroism, you are welcome and encouraged to do so.

Buster and the Cantaloupe

If you have scrolled down to the bottom of Nixon Notes, you have seen Buster and the cantaloupe. That picture doesn't really do the situation justice. Buster LOVES cantaloupe. I cut some cantaloupe this weekend and he went nuts. I guess he smelled it - he started jumping up my leg and biting my bum.

(before)

(after)

The Herd can speak fluent French...in Russian

It was brought to my attention that rather than blogging about high shipping charges and hot peppers, perhaps I should be blogging about The Purple Herd’s Mighty Comeback. So noted, BT.

Christopher plays softball for the Purple Herd. I don’t go to many of his games anymore. I feel a little bad about it because I used to go to all of them in Raleigh. But let me tell you how my first game in Winston went down:

Ginger: Daaaamn, Christopher, this is straight-up in the ghetto. Should I be packing?

Christopher: Ginger. Stop. You’re being ridiculous – it’s fine.

Ginger: No, seriously – this is the ghetto…

Christopher: It’s not bad! This is the nice park!

Ginger: mmm-hmmm

There I am…the only one there…sitting on the bleachers all by myself...in the dark. Until! I hear a rustling coming from the woods behind me. I turn. There is a homeless man in a trench coat emerging from the woods. Lovely.

Dude watched the game with me. The whole game. It was uncomfortable. He talked the whole time…not to me, but he talked.

Ginger: Hey – did you see that homeless man watch the whole game with me? That was awesome. He talked the whole time.

Christopher: Yeeeeeeeah.

Ginger: He came out of the woods, you know.

Christopher: Yeeeeeeeah.

And after further investigation, Christopher was right – that WAS the nice park. The others = worse.

Anyway, enough of my excuses. The Purple Herd basically rocks. They dominate. However…the previous two weeks’ games didn’t go so well. They lost an unheard – eeer – unherd of two games in a row. They needed a little support. Herd Management outlawed the normal Herd jerseys, as well as the color purple (the actual color, not the movie). Players were instructed to wear ridiculous, non-purple shirts and to rally before the game at Foothills.

I received an invite to Foothills and figured I could brave the field, and the people from the woods, to watch a game. I even bought Christopher an “I *heart* Mexican futbol” t-shirt to wear for the game.

(what is that little ball of fluff by Christopher’s knee?)

(aaaah – that’s it – it’s Bust-man)

Other notable shirts were BT’s shirt which words cannot do justice, one that read “I *heart* hot moms,” a Lionel Richie Fan Club T, and baseball shirt that read “masterbatter” with two baseball bats under it.

(I found this pic on BT’s facebook page…this is the shirt.)

The shirts worked! The Herd won! You can read all the details here (highly recommended - Herd Management has a way with words). There were some pretty good plays in the game, and Christopher made this crazy dirty…I mean good, slide into home. Unfortunately, he was out, but there were two? three? runs ahead of him that made it in! The slide was impressive. I’m glad I caught it in-between all my texts to Megan telling her about the bathroom. The bathroom at this park is probably a whole other blog post, but basically, it’s the type of place horror movies are made of. Think Candyman. The bathroom also started with:

Ginger: Uhmmm…I’m not going in there…

Christopher: Ginger. Stop. It’s not that bad.

It was that bad. Totally that bad. There was a bug that watched me the entire time. But it was worth it see the Herd make their comeback.

Blasphemy!

Listen – I was super cranky when I wrote this yesterday. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I’m sure you never thought you would see the day – the day I talk smack about Pottery Barn AND Jimmy John’s. Okay…so it’s not for real smack, but it’s a little bit. (BT – you’re mom’s never seen this blog, right?)

Seriously, if I could sit in a Pottery Barn and point to things while people brought them to me, Pretty Woman style, WHILE eating a Jimmy John’s #2, hot peppers on the side...wow. Just wow.

But here’s the thing. (Check it Jaclyn – not only did I start a sentence with a conjunction, I started and entire paragraph with a conjunction!) I thought the $15 shipping on my J. Crew bridesmaid’s dress, which weighed all of 6 ounces, was a little ridiculous. That was until my curtains. I have paid high shipping for PB stuff before, but at least the items were heavy. I bought curtains. Just two panels. They came in this box:

Shipping was $50.

Say whaaaaa? Not. Even. Heavy.

If they are going to calculate shipping that way, I feel like the very least they could do is give me the option of adding a couple bricks to my order – so I can at least feel like I am getting my money’s worth…or as my friend Megan would say, a good weight for my money.

Additionally, I ordered some pillow shams a couple weeks ago. I got them. They looked, and felt, like they came from Big Lots. No joke. They are going back. I already paid a pretty penny to get them to my house…guess who pays to send them back? That would be me. You would think they could at least pick up the return shipping. Amazon does, yo!

And my beloved JJ’s? Well – sometimes they are just too freaky fast to listen. I stopped in today for that aforementioned #2, hot peppers on the side. I went up and said “#2 no cheese, hot peppers on the side.” Cheese doesn’t even come on the sandwich. They ask “do you want cheese?” every frickin’ time! If you are so blasted adamant that cheese come on the sandwich, why doesn’t cheese come on the sandwich???

The dude – the dude that scoops the bread out and adds the mayonnaise, heard me say cheese. He did not hear me say “no.” He told the meat and cheese girl I wanted cheese. I heard it. I could have said something, but I honestly didn’t even have the energy. Luckily by the time he handed it off to the meat and cheese girl, the cheese had left her mind…along with my hot peppers.

Ouida - don't go getting any crazy thoughts. I'm not joining your team. I still super heart Jimmy Johns (and Pottery Barn).

Hooo-hooo

I just made the cutest little picture for my friend Ouida. It's a little thank you gift. I totally ganked it from something I saw on Etsy, but... imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? I wonder if she'll see it here before I give it to her tomorrow? I actually just hope I remember to bring it to her tomorrow.

(hoo-hoo!)

(I can't wait to make one for myself!)

Framed!

So after I framed the cutest porcupine ever, I started cutting mats for those other awkward-sized prints I had. I bought some frames this past weekend, framed them last night and hung them tonight! (Christopher totally does. not. like to hang pictures. I agreed to try to find alternate groupings other than side by side at the same hight for future projects.)

Lindsey was so wonderful and gave me a book of floral prints. I had been looking for one for a couple weeks, and couldn't find one. She had one and just handed it right over - wasn't that sweet?

And this is another Sharon Montrose print I got from 20x200. I thought it would be easy to frame because it was an 8x10, but they are tricky...the paper is 8x10. Well, the paper is actually 8x9 7/8, but whatever. The image is a bit smaller.

(baaa-aa-aah)

Of course Buster had to investigate while we were hanging.

And one final print. When Kendra gave me the Porcupine, there was a "thank you" note included on this little post card. Yup - framed the post card. Why not?!?!? Tortoise shell. I haven't decided where I am going to hang this one yet.

A Dash Evaluation -

We went to the opening game of the Winston Salem Dash with friends this evening! There are a few items I wanted share with you...

1. Well - first - the ballpark is absolutely awesome! Beautiful. The parking was easy. The walk wasn't far. I like purple. I can't wait to go to more games. You must go!

2. At the opening of the game, they released white...doves? pigeons? Some of you may know where I am headed with this. I will go PETA on your ass in half the time Ouida can go redneck on someone (and I don't even like PETA!). Doves don't fare well in the wild when they are released. If you insist on releasing birds at your event (and I really don't get why sporting events are "dove worthy"), you are supposed to release white pigeons: they can survive in the wild. Most people don't know this, and release doves. So what was it, Dash? Doves or pigeons? (btw - I am on this. I tweeted and asked. I will keep you updated!)

2b. AND THEN! As if that wasn't enough...fighter jets did a fly-by...OVER THE BIRDS. What the what? Uhm... The poor birds! Imagine their surprise - they are in a nice cage/box one minute - chirping it up with each other, and the next they have a fighter jet coming at them. And hello! Have we forgotten the "miracle on the Hudson" so soon? Yes, yes - let's do send birds towards plane engines.

3. Kernel Kustard is at the ballpark - WIN! And yum. They are still learning how to pour beer, but I really think as the season goes on they will perfect it.

4. We got some hot dogs and some beer, and headed to our seats. We passed some speakers at the entrance. I'm still trying to regain my hearing. This was corporate building fire alarm loud. Dash - you might want to turn the volume down on that one just a smidge.

5. Lanie Pope is teensy tiny!

6. Some of the downtown buildings were lit up purple. LOVE IT! What a great way to support the new team.

7. While we were walking around the stadium, we passed the team closet...eeer - store. I think they had two racks of jerseys in there. It was like they knew they had a stupid name, a non-related mascot, and a NASCAResque logo and people weren't going to buy anything. I see a market for cute Dash clothes... People do want to support the team. Why are there so few options? You can do it, Dash! And if you can't, call me - I have some ideas!

I know I am forgetting stuff...what else, what else??? BT and RA - you are going to have to help me out here! It's late...

Biltmore Estate

Christopher and I stayed in Asheville after the Vampire Weekend concert and went to the Biltmore Estate! I had never been before, and Christopher hadn't been in so long, he didn't even remember any of it.

It was awesome! I know this sounds a little ridiculous, but when we first got there, my first thought was "huh - I thought it would be bigger..." I think it's that there are so many fewer windows on the left side (when you are looking at it) that it makes the left side seem small. The right side seemed sufficiently large. Like one of those optical illusions or something - "which line is bigger?" - when they are actually the same size.

Anyway, we liked it so much we upgraded our tickets to season passes. Here are some pics!

(magnolia tree)

(conservatory)

(I think we startled this plant...it looked kind of scared)

(Christopher went to a great deal of trouble to get this picture. It came out quite nicely!)

There was a farm. You could pet everything. It was awesome.

(might have been my fave)

(this goat reminded me of the goat in Wicked)

(adorable)

(omgomgomg. so. cute.)

New Fans Of Vampire Weekend!

Christopher and I went to Asheville with friends to see Vampire Weekend! I had never been to Asheville, and I had been wanting to go for a while. So when our friend BT asked if we wanted to go several months ago, I jumped on it pretty quickly...especially for someone who has never even heard of Vampire Weekend. Ha! BT and his wife are pretty cool, and he said some more cool people would be going; I just like to hang out with the cool kids, and I like to go to concerts, so I figured we should go. Additionally, while I will always defend my classic taste in music, I do like to find new bands that I like...especially ones that Christopher might also listen to. (He has such questionable taste in music.)

We got out of work a bit early, and headed to Asheville! Had dinner at Doc Chey's which was pretty awesome. We even had dinner with Ezra, the lead singer of the band! (Okay, so we were eating in the same restaurant at the same time...but it's still kinda cool.)

The concert was pretty awesome. I listened to a couple of their CDs, and liked them, but I like them even more after the concert. In addition to the general coolness of the the concert, there were two things worth mentioning:

1. We stood next to this guy. Who danced. Like he was having a seizure. He looked like a robot having a seizure. It was pretty intense to watch.
2. I do not care for Vampire Weekend's "Oxford Comma." It hurts my feelings. I have a great deal of love and respect for the Oxford Comma.

Up next? The Biltmore Estate!!! You didn't think we would go to Asheville without going to the Biltmore Estate, did you???

The Cutest Porcupine I Have Ever Seen

Kendra got me the cutest print for Christmas this past year. I had wanted it for quite a while, and I was so excited to get it! The only thing was that it was somewhat of an awkward size – 8” x 7” - and I was going to have to get it framed, rather than just go buy a frame for it. Buuuuut - my wonderful friend offered to let me borrow her mat cutter! Whoa! I was waaay more excited to get this mat cutter than anyone should be. I have several awkward size prints that can now live in standard frames! Total money saver!

Here is the print in its new home! It’s by Sharon Montrose - a super awesome animal photographer.

(in the living room)

(who knew a porcupine could be so darn cute???)

I’m planning to get two more prints to put by the front door. She just released a baby GIRAFFE (which I totally plan on getting) and I got an email saying that she plans to release many more animals over the next couple months. I can't wait to see what she has. Judging from her blog, I have a feeling there might be a flamingo coming soon…