Blasphemy!

Listen – I was super cranky when I wrote this yesterday. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I’m sure you never thought you would see the day – the day I talk smack about Pottery Barn AND Jimmy John’s. Okay…so it’s not for real smack, but it’s a little bit. (BT – you’re mom’s never seen this blog, right?)

Seriously, if I could sit in a Pottery Barn and point to things while people brought them to me, Pretty Woman style, WHILE eating a Jimmy John’s #2, hot peppers on the side...wow. Just wow.

But here’s the thing. (Check it Jaclyn – not only did I start a sentence with a conjunction, I started and entire paragraph with a conjunction!) I thought the $15 shipping on my J. Crew bridesmaid’s dress, which weighed all of 6 ounces, was a little ridiculous. That was until my curtains. I have paid high shipping for PB stuff before, but at least the items were heavy. I bought curtains. Just two panels. They came in this box:

Shipping was $50.

Say whaaaaa? Not. Even. Heavy.

If they are going to calculate shipping that way, I feel like the very least they could do is give me the option of adding a couple bricks to my order – so I can at least feel like I am getting my money’s worth…or as my friend Megan would say, a good weight for my money.

Additionally, I ordered some pillow shams a couple weeks ago. I got them. They looked, and felt, like they came from Big Lots. No joke. They are going back. I already paid a pretty penny to get them to my house…guess who pays to send them back? That would be me. You would think they could at least pick up the return shipping. Amazon does, yo!

And my beloved JJ’s? Well – sometimes they are just too freaky fast to listen. I stopped in today for that aforementioned #2, hot peppers on the side. I went up and said “#2 no cheese, hot peppers on the side.” Cheese doesn’t even come on the sandwich. They ask “do you want cheese?” every frickin’ time! If you are so blasted adamant that cheese come on the sandwich, why doesn’t cheese come on the sandwich???

The dude – the dude that scoops the bread out and adds the mayonnaise, heard me say cheese. He did not hear me say “no.” He told the meat and cheese girl I wanted cheese. I heard it. I could have said something, but I honestly didn’t even have the energy. Luckily by the time he handed it off to the meat and cheese girl, the cheese had left her mind…along with my hot peppers.

Ouida - don't go getting any crazy thoughts. I'm not joining your team. I still super heart Jimmy Johns (and Pottery Barn).