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Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Oven Can Kiss My Ass

You may have heard me complain about my oven. The first time it broke, I had invited Keith and Bethany over for dinner. I cooked (or tried to cook) a pork tenderloin, green bean casserole, and an apple pie. The timer went off, and the pork wasn’t done. Neither was the apple pie. I set the timer for another 10 minutes – still not done. Another 10 minutes…STILL not done. And once more…and I opened the oven door and notice a lack of hot air rushing to my face…the oven’s not hot. Blast!

The apartment people came to fix it. It was not the burner, as we had thought, but rather the temperature gauge (or so they thought).

Then a couple weeks ago, I was making two pumpkin pies…I open the oven and they are still all liquid in the center. GRAHR! Oven broken again. Had to finish those in the toaster oven... Betcha' didn't know you could do that. (Neither did I.)

The apartment people came to fix. They needed to order a part.

Christopher comes in this evening and tells me he has had “an enlightening conversation with the maintenance man.”

Oh? Indeed!

The maintenance man said he came to look at the oven SEVERAL times, and could not figure out what was wrong with it. He replaced several parts, sat in the middle of our kitchen floor with a thermometer (waiting), and still couldn’t figure it out. His boss told him to call Whirlpool.

It seems, that in this particular model of oven, there is a safety feature, where if after you preheat the oven, and you don’t turn the temperature all the way down…and then back up to where you want it, the oven shuts off. Say what? Yes. It is so someone doesn’t turn the oven on to preheat, forget about it, and then burn their house down. Because I’m sure that happens all the time. And the people who do this? Do they also have special toasters? And curling irons? What about hair dryers and coffee makers with this special baby-sitting function built in?

How lovely that Whirlpool saw a niche market for those who frequently make a dish and then completely forget to cook it. Whirlpool: I think you can stop making those ovens…those people have all died from salmonella and ecoli poisoning after they ate the meat they forgot to cook.

Christopher says he tested the oven and it’s working. It doesn’t matter though. I’m done cooking for now.


  1. I hate it when you say things like that!!! You are my inspiration in the kitchen. If you give up I will be back in the frozen food isle stuffing my cart with overpriced lean cusines.

  2. I'll call CVS and tell them you're coming!

  3. This is soooo funny and yet I can see your exasperation at having gone through all this! BUT I also see that maybe you should learn how to use this oven....even tho YOU ARE RIGHT about this stupid feature...learn it anyway so you and Christopher will eat well and enjoy your fabulous cooking. You are a good cook. Try to not be stubborn. You know you are use this oven anyway.....